Harry Potter Turns into a Chicken
by Aylah
Summary: A fic wrote when i was bored. Harry Potter gets turned into a chicken. The beginning of the Insane Chronicles of Harry Potter.
1. Harry Turns into a Chicken

Ah, the bordem. I am thinking this fic will be insane. Why? Because I am bored. This beginning is absolutely pointless so I'll shut up now. First I need a topic..How about Harry Potter? That works. Okay. Now I need a plot.. Okay.Harry gets turned into a chicken by Voldemort. Okay, story BEGIN:  
  
One fine day at Hogwarts, our favorite trio (or perhaps you hate them, I really don't know) was wandering the grounds. They decided to stop at Hagrid's hut. When they arrived they found he wasn't there. "Where'd he go?" Harry asked the air. "Oh, the Forbidden Forest," the air answered. "Thanks!" exclaimed Harry. Hermione and Ron wondered who Harry was talking to. "Is he alright?" Hermione whispered to Ron. "No," Ron answered. "Oh," said Hermione. And so, they headed into the Forbidden Forest, like they weren't supposed to, just because the air said to. "Why are we coming here again?" questioned Hermione. "Because I was told to come here by my friend Air," said Harry. Unbeknownst to Hermione and Ron, air was not air like that which you breathe but Harry's alter-ego/imaginary friend. He got the name, not from the air like that which you breathe, but rather the middle sound in his name, h-AIR-e. "So, lets look for Hagrid then!" exclaimed Harry, a smile on his face. This smile was not shared by his two companions. Just then a large BANG was heard. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" exclaimed Ron, having been thrown into paranoia from actually being in the Forbidden Forest which he had never been in before and was now in for the first time even though the movie says otherwise but THEY ARE WRONG! (and that is NOT a run-on!) They ran to the noise, with Ron screaming for them to leave the entire time. But, when they arrived at the noise's source, they only found Hagrid with a very sore head. "BAKA TREE!" exclaimed Hagrid. "You know Japanese!" exclaimed Hermione. "No, not really, I'm not supposed to know what 'baka' does mean, the author just felt like throwing it in there," explained Hagrid. "Oh," said Hermione. "The author-person must be bored." "Air says we can go now. Air forgets why we wanted to find Hagrid in the first place," Harry informed the group. "Whose Air?" asked Hagrid. "You don't want to know," Ron told him. "But let's get out of here anyway." Just then an evil laugh was heard. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! * cough cough * HA-HA- ha!." "'TIS VOLDEMORT!" exclaimed Harry. "'TIS VOLDIEWART!" exclaimed Air. "I HEARD HIM!" exclaimed Hermione. "Who?" asked Harry. "Voldemort or Air?" "Both," whimpered Hermione, very scared.of herself. "I..am...scared!!!!" cried Ron. "THAT IS NOT A SURPRISE MWAHAHAHAAA!" came a sickening voice, which, while dripping with evil, sounded as though its owner seriously needed a cough drop. "Do you have a cold?" asked Hagrid. "NO!" exclaimed Voldemort. "Emphysema? Or maybe laryngitis?" questioned Hagrid. "NOOOO* cough *," cried the villainous villain. "Why are you here? Why can you we only hear? Why can we not see you here? I can only end my sentences in here, see here?" asked Ron. "NOOO! 'TIS THE HERE HERE CURSE!" cried Hermione. "YOU NEXT!" exclaimed Voldemort. "Don't do it Voldie!" cried Air, the invisible voice. "Oh-yo-no!-yo-You-yo-Know-yo-this-yo-is-yo-no-yo-good- yo.."cried Hermione. "Oh-yo! The-yo-EGO-yo-CURSE-yo!" "She always has to talk about herself.I, I, I," tsked Harry. "YOU! MY LAST VICTIM!" said Voldemort, now visible. He pointed his finger at Harry. "It's not nice to point," Harry reminded him. "I NEVER HAD A MOMMY TO TEACH ME THAT!" screamed Voldemort. "WELL NEITHER DID I THANKS TO YOU..VOLDIE!" retaliated Harry. "WAR OF THE WORDS!" cried Voldemort in much exuberance. "NOW, HAIRY that is A-I-R, let me TORTURE YOU!!!!!!" "Please don't kill me," our brave hero whimpered. "MWAHHAHA! * cough * A CONTRIDICTION! Well, POULTRIUS!" Harry went to cry a hurtful remark about Voldemort secretly loving to watch Blue's Clues and that's why he killed Harry (for the baby Harry's PJ's) however all that came out was, "Cluck! CL-CLUCK!" "MWAHA! A CHICKEN! I have turned you into the chicken you are!" "I-yo-,"said Hermione while Ron thought, 'How repetitive is what she's saying here.' "Need-yo-a-yo-countercurse-yo!" "OH NO ME DO YOU HEAR?! THIS IS JUST AWFUL WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE! NOW SEE HERE! THIS IS BAD YA HEAR?" cried Harry's best friend, Ron. "I DON'T WANT TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A CHICKEN, YOU HEAR?" "CLUCK?!" Voldemort got quite a laugh out of this so he turned Hagrid into a drooling, smelly dog. "I name you.Fang." Then he continued by adding. "MWAhAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!! * cough cough *MWAH-HA-HA- hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa......................." 


	2. The Chicken with Glasses

Note: I personally don't think part II is as good as part one but it is going somewhere.  
  
Part II: The Chicken with Glasses  
  
Of course, Harry fled from the scene in Hermione's arms as she was  
  
screaming," AHHHHH-yo-AHHHHH!!!!!!!! I-yo-can't-yo-believe-yo-this-yo!!!!"  
  
Ron was riding on the very large Hagrid-dog while shouting back at the  
  
coughing Voldemort, "THAT WASN'T NICE YA HEAR! DO YOU HEAR ME OVER HERE?!" The  
  
four of them, two humans and two animals, exited the Forbidden Forest in  
  
absolute terror and were scared even harder when they heard the invisible Air  
  
scream,"I WASN'T TURNED INTO A CHICKEN LIKE YOU HARRY! I SHOULD BE THE  
  
VISIBLE ONE! AND ONCE YOUR CHICKENESS SELF IS EATEN IN THE GREAT HALL I SHALL  
  
BECOME HARRY!" The chicken Harry could not defend himself, only cluck in  
  
defense. "CLUCK CLUCK!" he cried in a clucky sort of way. Of course,  
  
eventually the ended up at the Hogwarts doors. Ron banged on the door crying.  
  
"OPEN UP, YA HEAR? OPEN THIS DOOR HERE!!!!!!!!!! NOW, YA HEAR?!" They waited  
  
there for quite awhile as snakes tried to communicate with the chicken that  
  
was once Harry. Finally Snape opened the door, then he shut it again. Two seconds later, McGonagall opened it for Ron and Hermione, but told they the chicken and dog would have to remain outside. Harry-chicken clucked and Hagrid-dog barked. They refused to be left out in the cold! "What is wrong with the pets?" questioned the professor. "Why do you think you can bring animals into your dorms?" asked Snape, who was still nearby. "Well-yo-this-yo-chicken-yo-is-yo-Harry-yo," Hermione informed them. "And Hagrid is this dog here," added Ron. "Well, Hagrid can return to his hut," McGonagall said and the Hagrid-dog obeyed. "And now the chicken." McGonagall was thinking about what to do. "Well a chicken wearing glasses is a bit weird." 


	3. Return to Humanity

  
Of course, everyone thinks that chickens in glasses are weird, so this is not particularly surprising. However, one certain boy did not find a chicken in glasses weird at all. And this boy was, Air, yes of course Air, who wanted everyone to think he was Harry so he could take over the world. Unfortunately for him, the entire school realized that Air was not Harry and they banished him forever. Then, Dumbledore began work on changing Harry back. Yay, the end.  
  
Just a note, if you liked Part I of this, please continue on to attack of the monkeys. It's a year after I originally wrote these and I attempted to end this already bad piece. My inspiration is lost at the moment, please excuse me while I find it. 


	4. Attack of the Monkeys

Okay, I wrote this last year and never posted it, dunno why...Well, this story is pretty strange. If I ever need to go to court, it's reasonable evidence for insanity really. But if you are one of the many people who are amused by insanity, please, indulge yourself. And now, Part II in the Insane Harry Potter Chronicles: Harry Potter and the Attack of the Monkeys.  
  
Harry, finally relieved of being a chicken, was now managing his life again. Day to day going to classes and doing boring homework for hours on end. Yes, life was back to normal…or so he thought…   
"Mwheheh…" cackled Voldemort as he looked at his newest project, attack monkeys. Since snakes no longer worked, Harry Potter being a parselmouth and all, he needed something new. Besides, everybody loves monkeys! How can you bear to hurt one, UNTIL THEY'RE TEARING YOU TO PIECES! thought Voldemort. He made an odd attempt at a cackle once more, soundly rather like a giggly schoolgirl. Since his fall from power he'd been having trouble with the whole evil laughing thing.   
"Ladedadeda," sang Hermione, for lack of anything better to do or to say. No one cared to listen to her rant about pointless facts unless their lives were in danger anyway. She headed to the Great Hall to meet her friends, Harry and Ron, and do pointless things with magic until Voldemort made yet another attempt on Harry's life. That evil dude could hold quite a grudge. When she arrived, Harry and Ron were already deep into conversation.  
"Dude, whatcha wanna do?"  
"Dude, I dunno."  
"Dude, whatcha wanna do?"  
"Dude, I dunno."  
"Dude, are we doing anything?"  
"Yea, talking."  
"Dude, you bored?"  
"Dude, yeah."  
"Dude…"  
Right then Hermione entered the conversation.  
"Hi guys."  
"Dude, its Hermione."  
"Dude…"  
"Why are you guys saying dude so much?"  
"Better than yo," mumbled Ron.   
"Least I didn't sound like a hick," retaliated Hermione.  
"Dude…" added Harry.  
"What are you? Possessed? The game's over," Ron informed him.  
"It was a game? Oh…" Harry seemed awfully disappointed for some random reason. (It's an interactive story! Think of a reason audience!)  
Then, they heard a sound. A horrible sound. A sound that was indescribable. It broke windows and cracked stone, it was a sound like "O..OO..OOO…"   
"Monkey?" whispered Ginny, who had randomly appeared. Just then, in through the broken windows came MONKEYS! TENS OF MONKEYS… okay okay, tens are too much. ONES OF MONKEYS! Yes, nine monkeys BURST through the windows ravaging the great hall scarily.  
"Spooky…" said Ron in a spooky voice very spookily. (Isn't spook a great word? It's like spork and climb written in italics. Climb am I the only person who thinks that looks sooo weird? I realized that while I was bored as normal in English class…well I was bored last year. This year we don't DO English in English class but that incredibly off topic so I'll continue attacking monkeys now…) They killed Ron and killed Hermione and killed Ginny and killed the random idiot standing nearby. Then Harry said,  
"Ah. The life attempt. I knew it was coming." (insert laugh here). Then the monkeys killed Harry, but luckily, the friend of the random idiot standing nearby had magical magic stuff and said magically magical words and POOF went the monkeys, bye bye! and POOF went Ron, Hermione, and Harry, and the random idiot nearby. But they didn't go bye bye they came alive!!!! (Ooo magic says the audience!)   
"Wow, that hurt," said Ron.  
"Dude," said Harry.  
"Aren't you going to make the random idiot standing nearby come to life random idiot standing nearby's friend?" asked Hermione of the random idiot standing nearby's friend.  
"He was annoying."  
Back where Voldemort's secret hideout was, the monkeys appeared.   
"Oh damn. Monkeys weren't good enough."  
"Ya wanna know why?" said a monkey. "It's because we are nice, fluffy, and edible! We cannot be EVIIIL." Then my psychotic monkey friend appeared and said,  
"I CAN!" But that's off-topic.  
And so, the moral is, monkeys cannot be evil unless they are psychotic and that the random idiot standing nearby's friend can bring people back to life. THE END.   
  
(And oh yeah, if you do havea friend who is a random idiot and they die and you can bring them back to life, don't let stay dead because you thought they were annoying. Because it's wrong.) 


End file.
